I was born in 1959 in St. Louis, Missouri. I used to like to tell my nieces that the Barbie Doll was made out of the image  of me, since it was created in 1959 too. When they said you don't look like a Barbie Doll, I would tell them well see that's what happens to Barbie when you let her have too much fried chicken, it worked for a while...

My Parents were from southern Missouri there fore I spent a lot of time in the "country". I've been through a lot in my life... so here it goes, my biography.  I refer to it as A.W. (after wreck) because I lost a lot of memories due to the wreck, oh I remember camping with my mom, dad and cousins, days on end in the country, taking a bath in the river, using the outhouse, ewwwwwww... and long summer nights spent looking out my grandmas window at the stars, dreaming of places far away and exotic, but a lot of little details were lost. So this is what I do remember.
After the Wreck

My Wreck:

July 7, 1976, Two days before that my boyfriend at the time and I had been on top of the hill in town having bottle rocket races with lots of others. Having a blast. It was the summer I turned 17 with the world ahead of me. I had plans and dreams only to realize that that is all they were, because staying alive became a bigger task for me.

I had ridden bikes since I was 9 or 10, but that hot July day changed my life. I was found face down on the side of the road, my heel of my left leg was on the back of my shoulder, my femur had broken out of the skin, a compound fracture, fx lft femur. I had a hole in my helmet the size of a softball, which only means one thing, a head injury, they got me in the ambulance for a two hour plus drive to Springfield, MO., Dad rode along. I was totally unconscious so all of this has been related to me from the E.M.T.'s and the hospital. I flat lined and "died" three times on the way  to the hospital. When I got there they told my dad that I would never walk again. If I did it would be without one leg. They wanted to amputate. That was unacceptable for my Dad. Thank God he was there to fight for me. For a little more than a week I was in a coma. The end evaluation was; broken clavicle, broken jaw, broken vertebrae, chipped hip and a head injury that would leave me paralyzed for almost a year. My mother stayed every single day and night in the hospital with me, God Bless her.

Being paralyzed I had to learn to walk, talk, feed myself, everything all over again, and I am not a good patient. Looking back now I don't know how Mom did it.. the month in the hospital , and having to stay in traction and the endless home therapy. She was truly a Saint!

My Cousin, Bob Randolph ,who later was killed by a lightening strike while at work at Silver Dollar City in Branson as an engineer at the time, got all of his co workers to give blood for me, God Bless them.

After I got out of the hospital and was back in the city, Mom and I went shopping, well she shopped I sat in the car because I still had a cast on to my thigh and my mouth wired shut and a brace on for my broken clavicle. While sitting there in front of the J.C. Penny's store a woman came out of no where and walked up to my window, " I see God in your face, he is there" I said thank you. Then she was gone just as mysteriously as when she came. I have never asked God, why me, I've always tried anyway to say Thank you God for me and all that I am. I know what its like to be in a wheelchair and not be able to walk or run or feed yourself. I know what pain is.

You can't really tell now that I've been paralyzed but the scars and the limp are evident the older I get. My leg doesn't look like a normal leg, but hey its MY leg, It could be worse. I could very easily not have a leg at all. I thank God every day for every blessing I've received.

High School Graduation;

After a year of home tutoring due to the wreck I was able to graduate with my class and walk up there and get my diploma! There was never a thought in my head that I wouldn't! After graduation I moved back to the country and lived in my parents house with a room mate, Mary Jo. We worked in town and Dad had bought me a 72 Grand Prix, Oh man I loved that car! 400 4bl Dual Exhaust Glass Packs, man did we have fun We washed our clothes on an old wringer washer in the kitchen and had to climb the telephone pole to rig the phone up so we could call out! We had wood heat and lots of parties, to which admission was to bring in an arm load of wood and your own drinks! Yup , we had some kinda fun!

When my fiance' and I decided to split the blanket so to speak I moved back to St. Louis with my parents and went to school to be a medical assistant while working 10 hr shifts at K Mart. I graduated from school and got a job in the medical field.

My Mom and Dad retired and literally when I came home one day they had moved off and left me! With them living in the country and me in the city, good job, lots of money, you get the picture? I went wild and had the time of my life. I finally quit working at K Mart and went steady at the medical center, no weekends, it had been 7 years I worked with out a weekend off. I then got into a bit of trouble and decided it was time to go home, again, with mom and dad getting older it made it convenient for me to stay with them and help out. I had a great love for my parents and the feeling was mutual. We never tired of each other, Ever!

Knowing there weren't any jobs in the country I went anyway. I've never regretted it, much, I then met a man and got pregnant with twin girls. It was a difficult pregnancy and ultimately lost the girls at 9 months. Fully developed twin girls. I named one Jacki LaVerne after my Mom and Dad ie; Jack and LaVerne, their father named the other one Toni Renee'. Due to the fact that they died like they did it made me physically sick and when they were buried, just a day before my birthday, I was still in the hospital and couldn't attend, My nephews Ricky and Randy were the pall bearers, and had I been able to be there and arrange the funeral, I wouldn't have done it any other way. When they finally, after weeks of begging the Dr. to end this thing I faked labor and they air evaced me to West Plains where I got a Dr. Wood, on his very first day at that hospital. He did one exam and told them to get me into O.R. NOW. Well that didn't really scare me because I thought finally someone besides me thinks it's time to have these girls. The next thing I remember was me telling myself, breath breath, your going to die if you don't breath. Then I could hear the Dr.'s and feel them pull out one of the twins, " This ones dead lets go for the other" seemed like hrs passed and again I heard" This one is dead also, It looks like they have been dead 2 weeks". After I woke Doc (their father) and my Mom were at my side to tell me the news, "Stop, I know they are dead" "I woke up when they were taking them out of me. Doc dropped to his knees. Needless to say that damn near killed me  mentally and physically, and I have never really been the same. For months I would lay awake shaking crying scared wanting to go get them out of that dark cold hole. They didn't need to be there, what kind of mother would leave her daughters in a place like that? With the help of my Dad Mom and Doc, I finally got over that part of it. Lesser women would have cracked. Thing is I think I did, I just got good at putting spackling on the outside.

We then decided to get married, I mean after all we did have the twins together. We got married the day before deer season, which is a holiday here. My maid of honor was my friend who was wanted by the police for shooting a friend of ours foot off, and the best man was drunker than a coot! We found them in town and convinced them to go with us to the judges house and stand up with us to get married. There were no wedding pictures , no white gowns, and flowers. I wore a white gauze blouse and jeans and cowboy boots , he had a shirt and jeans on. We didn't even tell our parents. My  honeymoon was spent with friends on the gravel bar at the river. The next morning was deer season, opening day, and Doc my new husband was awakened by my Dad at 4 am to go hunting, and he went!

Devastation strikes again!

When my nephew Randy was 20 he was in school in Kansas City and would come home for weekends, he was my baby boy, I loved him so much. Every Sunday he came over for dinner and we would watch Lonesome Dove together. We both loved that movie. he told me if he ever had a kid he was naming it Augustus McCray, after Gus in the movie. Three weeks before turning 21 he was in a wreck that killed him. His girlfriend was two months pregnant. We now have a girl that looks and acts just like her daddy Randy. Same demeanor, same blue eyes, her name, Allison McCray Mooney.

His death was hard to take, and I miss my "dandy" so very much.

In loving memory of Marvin Randall Mooney Nov. 30, 1970 - Nov. 9, 1991

And Again;

 Halloween, Mine and Dads favorite holiday, Every year he helped me with costumes these are just two of them; uncle fester with a lighted bulb in my mouth, (dad concocted that, way before you could buy such a thing), and the clown, all day I walked through the woods and came out from behind trees in the middle of nowhere when a car was coming down the road, Dads idea, he sat on the porch to see reactions, we loved it!

Dad never got over losing his only granddaughters it bothered him more than I will ever know. He became ill and bed ridden and Mom and I took care of him and Doc took care of the place and helped us out. On Halloween ironically enough he was in the hospital, very sick and we received news that his sister had passed away, what they didn't tell us is that before she died she told her kids she was fine, she was going home and she was taking her baby brother with her. My dad died that morning Nov. 1st at 5 a.m. Mom was devastated, after losing her granddaughters and her baby grandson and now her husband she just gave up. I believe she was bitten by a brown recluse spider and steadily went down hill. I found myself and Doc taking care of here just two years after we did the same with my dad. She died in her sleep here in the house, which is the way she said she wanted to go. My only solace is that she is with my girls, dad and nephew.

Dad told me once," When I am gone you will see, no one, not anyone will ever love you as much as I do. Then and only then you will see you have to love yourself because really, no one else really cares, not unless you care for yourself".

After Mom died I changed. I tried to become this super independent woman, not that I wasn't before. I just didn't have the time to let it out and now that I did, my husband didn't like it one bit. He became very possessive and jealous. We divorced and remained somewhat friends.

Just when I got used to being single Doc got hurt at work, he got his left leg caught between two pallets of 800 degree molten lead. His parents weren't there with him neither were his kids. So guess who was there, you got it me. He moved back in with the understanding I'm not to be told what I can and can not do. That was when I was 42.  We have now learned to get along and get along better now than we ever have, and that makes me happy.

Devastation again,

In 2001 I was attending college at Farmington. My sister was diagnosed with inoperable cancer,  I tried to make time for her but she didn't really want me to. She was as much or more independent as I am. She passed away quietly in the hospital, with her friends and her son there. I wasn't there and didn't want to be. All those years of me taking care of my parents with no help from her left a bitter taste in my mouth when it came to sickness and death. She could have helped me. They all could have. But as I used to sing to myself when I was young and things didn't go the way I wanted them to; Que Sara Sara, whatever will be will be....

After her death her son Ricky, hopped up on meth or something I supposed burned her house to the ground with some of my mom and grandmothers furniture and personal items in it, and poor Allison had just asked him if she could have a box of her dad Randy's personal things, she will never know how special he was. Of course he said he didn't burn it but it seems funny that when the money came in he bought fine trucks and a limited edition Harley...Que Sara Sara...

After I accepted the fact that she was gone, it dawned on me, I have put up with Ricky's crap all my life. At one time we appeared to be close, but looking back now I think it was just an act on both of our parts. Well now I don't have to put up with it, and I don't. I haven't talked to him since my sister passed away. And thats ok by me.

And Again..

I always had one true very very favorite Aunt. My Dad's sister Elizabeth. She recently passed away, and what she told me before she died when she and I was the only two in the room at the hospital was, "When they call you and tell you I've died, say Halleluiah!" and I did.

And Again...

Dads nephew Buford, what can I say about Buford, we called him Frog, he was the closest thing to a brother I had. I spent hours talking laughing and singing, or trying to sing, he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, with him. I loved him like a brother. On June 27,2007 he too succumbed to cancer. He told me he loved me in his note he left when he found out he was dying and called me his country sister. No prouder title could I have received. I'm still raw with pain over his death, although I know he is with his parents and my Dad and Mom and the rest. It still hurts to not pick up the phone and call him up just to say hey. Time doesn't make it easier, they lied to you when they told you that, it just makes it easier to live with.

Although I have tons of cousins I really do feel so alone in this world sometimes. They are all with their own families, as it should be. But on Halloween, Christmas and Valentines Day (Dad's birthday and he and Moms Anniversary) I stay home alone remembering the good times we had as a family. A loving close family. I am thankful they gave me the "Beaver Cleaver" lifestyle or as close as they financially could. I thank God for letting me have the years, seconds and Moments Ive had with each of these people.

Now I'm 48 whew, sure didn't think I would make it this far for sure. Not a wild and glam life, but its not over yet. I figure God had me several times and sent me back for something, maybe one day I will find out what that something is. I've never believed my life was destined to be a housewife with a white picket fence and growing old in a rockin chair, although now days it looks like the rockin chair might come into play. I am now on disability because of my back and leg. Arthritis is a bitch, it comes at you like a revenge from earlier times, a payback for the fun you once had, but it doesn't stop with one good jab, it continues to jab, bite, punch and stab. It is a mean varmit to have to learn to live with.

So far, If you get anything out of this small part of my life it is to look around, its really not so bad, believe me it could be worse. Do what you can do now, tomorrow you may be like me paralyzed again by pain that never ceases. Go see the world, take chances have fun. Because BELIEVE THIS, in a second, in a day in a week you too could be in a position where every day is dealing with pain, or... be the only one left in your family.

I will close this part with a motto I always tried to follow:

"It's not the hand your dealt in life, its how you play that hand, good or bad."

"You don't know lonely till it's chiseled in stone"